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Life has an uncanny way of throwing unexpected challenges my way. One such moment was the diagnosis of cancer – a word that strikes fear into the hearts of many.
The journey from a routine check-up for a swallowing issue in my neck, to the revelation of a life-altering condition was a rollercoaster of emotions. They had found a suspicious lump in my Thyroid gland which required a biopsy. Several days later, I was on a business trip when I got a call from my endocrinologist. "You have Thyroid cancer and we need to get you booked in for surgery as soon as you return." For those who have experienced it, the fear and shock of finding out you have cancer is a memory frozen in time.
To be honest, I was initially gobsmacked. I was in a busy business setting and didn’t really have time to process the enormity of the phone call until later that night. Like all business owners, business comes first….RIGHT….It's as if the ground beneath me had shifted and time seemed to stand still but I had things to do. The reality cut in. I needed to complete my day’s work and then problem-solve the phone call when I had time later that night.
So as I sat by myself in a hotel room after an exhausting day, my initial numbness was replaced by a surge of overwhelming emotions:
FEAR - far out…….am I the first person in my family to get cancer and I’ll die from it? What is my f….king Thryoid anyway?
DISBELIEF - Why me ……. I exercise, I eat well, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I sleep well ……..so why me? What does this mean for my life?
ANGER - I was furious with myself. How could I have let this happen? It was my fault, wasn’t it? I really wasn’t looking after myself well enough. Damn!!!!!
SADNESS - How will my family cope when they find out? What happens to all the amazing things that I wanted to achieve in my life including celebrating turning 100 years old?
SELF-WORTH - My life felt like it had fallen apart at the seams and I was to blame. I couldn’t even describe some of the things going on in my head that night and in the subsequent weeks to follow.
DEPRESSION - I’d never felt so smothered like I was in a deep, dark hole that I couldn’t get out of. I had never experienced these feelings before, I just wanted to stay in my hotel room under the covers and never appear in the world again. I felt like I was going to die right there.
There I was in my late 50’s grappling with the reality of a life-changing diagnosis and so full of anger and uncertainty, and struggling with the courage to cope with it all.
My cancer diagnosis forced me to confront mortality head-on. This newfound awareness was a profound and existential challenge, forcing me to reevaluate my priorities and seek meaning in the face of adversity. I was grieving for my life as I knew it. I felt like it had all gone in a flash.
Each person's journey is unique, and influenced by personality, support systems, and coping mechanisms. In the face of fear and shock, the importance of a robust support system cannot be overstated. Family, friends, and healthcare professionals become pillars of strength, providing not just emotional support but also practical assistance in navigating the complex terrain of cancer treatment. Support groups, both online and offline, offer solace by connecting individuals facing similar challenges and I am now 11 years into my Cancer journey.
I’m still here and I’m very proud of that. Amidst the fear and shock, there is room for hope and resilience. Advances in medical science have led to groundbreaking treatments and improved survival rates for many types of cancer. It has made me stronger. I have changed my life for the better.
I AM NOT AFRAID OF CANCER ANYMORE. It is still with me on my new journey. I have learnt that I have an extraordinary capacity to endure, problem-solve and overcome adversity. I am inspired by others who have emerged stronger after battling cancer and they fill me with hope and perseverance in the face of daunting odds. I have gained a lot of knowledge and experiences that I will share, in the hope of helping others…..so watch this space. Cancer has inspired me.
Conclusion:
The fear and shock of finding out you have cancer are profound and complex emotions that resonate deeply within those who experience them. Acknowledging these feelings and seeking support are crucial steps in navigating the challenging journey that follows a cancer diagnosis. While the road ahead may be uncertain, it is marked by resilience, hope, and the strength to confront the unexpected twists that life may throw our way.
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